Happy Birthday, Damon.

Today was the birthday
Of my wee son,
His very first birthday,
Indeed, he turned one.

The year went so quickly,
Zoomed by so fast,
My tiny small babe
Exists in the past.

I feel like I missed
His babyhood brief,
Just trying to function,
Dealing with grief.

The months and the days
How they have flown,
A bittersweet smile,
For this happy milestone. 

Productive

My house is a disaster,
It's so full of clutter,
I have developed a twitch
And am starting to mutter.

I have made a large plan,
Of how to attack,
This disgusting mess,
To get my space back.

I created a schedule,
For getting things clean,
So I don't get overwhelmed,
By the amount obscene.

Because I am cleaning,
And parenting two boys,
I don't have much time,
For playing with toys.

My shiny bright laptop,
Stays closed most of the time,
Which does not give me a chance,
To come up with a rhyme.

I still think it's important,
To create and to write,
So I will try to post,
Before bedtime each night. 

The Third Weds of Every Month Stinks.

Husband late meeting
Single parenting bedtime
Phew! Both are asleep.

This one is gross.

Seriously, skip this one, especially if you like things like eating.


Today's a day I understand
Why some moms resort to drinking
I'm still a little traumatized,
This episode was stinking. 

I was going to change my younger,
He was pungent, I may mention,
When my older lay down on the change pad,
I thought he just wanted attention.

I asked him if he could move,
I needed to lay his brother down,
OH MY GOD what's on your shirt?
Is that crusty..and brown!?

Turns out he was smelly,
A diaper fully loaded.
So full, in fact, there was a problem,
It unfortunately had exploded.

Up the back and out both legs,
Change of pants and shirt and more..
Because when I went to wash my hands,
I found some on the floor.

There was a trail from chair to sink,
Scrubbing was applied!
And then I found some on my socks,
I really almost cried.

Oh motherhood, you love to surprise,
And keep me on my toes, it's true.
But it would be nice if things could stay contained,
Especially poo.

Ode to Manners.

Into my children,
I would like to instill
Good and nice manners,
So we have a drill.

Word by word, with long pauses
I will say a phrase,
When my son repeats it,
He does receive praise.

"May...I....have...some.....milk...please?"
He says, while I cheer
Of course you can have some!
Here you are, my dear.

"Thank you!" is said promptly,
"You're welcome!" I say
When he is finished,
We echo with delay:

"May....I....please...be....excused?"
Of course, if you're done!
So proud I am,
Of my smart little son.

If I do everything wrong,
At least this part I'll get right,
My boy will have manners.
He will know to be polite.

So then when he holds up
A liquor store, he will say:
"May....I....have...all...your.....money...please?"
Then "Thank you!" as he runs away.

Another Tired Haiku

Up at five-thirty
Oh, simultaneous naps
A dream unfufilled

Minus 50

From Environment Canada today: 

Wind chill warning for
City of Edmonton - St. Albert - Sherwood Park continued

Wind chill values of minus 40 to 50 developing tonight and lasting through Wednesday morning.

This is a warning that extreme wind chill conditions are imminent or occurring in these regions. Monitor weather conditions..Listen for updated statements.

Cold Arctic air has invaded much of Alberta and will bring temperatures of minus 31 to 39 overnight. These temperatures combined with winds of 15 to 20 km/h will give wind chills of minus 40 to 50 in the above mentioned regions overnight into Wednesday morning.

At these extreme wind chill values frostbite on exposed skin may occur in less than 10 minutes.

Two more sleeps,
And I am in BC
30 degrees warmer,
Makes a happier me.

-

Yuck, minus 50
Winter, why don't you bite me?
Kiss my frozen ass.

-

Two housebound children
Hey, where is Mommy? Behold:
Fetal position.

Motherhood

Don't poke your brother!
Don't climb on that!
No, your full lunch plate
Is NOT a hat.

Why is it that
A certain truck's only fun
If it's being played with
By the other one?

Feet on the table,
Fingers in ears,
A time out from Mommy
Causes big tears.

I'm pretty sure my voice
Is just some white noise
A buzzing background hum
To two little boys.

Oh dear, now I find out
Dad's working late
If the gypsies showed up,
They would get a good rate.

I can't wait for bedtime,
Some time that is mine!
With a huge hunk of chocolate,
And a big glass of wine.

May they sleep soundly,
Oh, this I pray
And listen better tomorrow
Than they did today!

Sleep Deprivation

Worst poem ever.

Mind is mushy
brain is fuzz
can't even get a
coffee buzz

two kids screaming
up all night
two hours (if that) of sleep
is just not right

Too tired to capatalize
rhyming hurts my head
wish I could be sleeping
back in my cozy bed

I'll brew a pot of coffee
because, seriously, the keurig is just not going to get me through the day.

I yearn for naptime
i hope they sleep
If they don't,
I just may weep.

It's days like these
I remind myself
I wanted kids
Not some elf.

My godness this is
the worst ever verse.
Time to end it
Before it gets any worse.

Assembly Required

Two flat-pack boxes
Hold a variety of parts
The instructions show a cartoon man,
With not a lot of smarts.

Is it this piece?  or that one?
These illustrations are not clear.
Okay, we have one screw in,
This should take about a year.

The outside is assembled!
Time to take a break.
This might be more easy
If the kids were not awake.

The two-year-old is "helping".
No!  Don't eat that screw!
We probably will need it
Around step forty-two.

Let's get these drawers together,
It's naptime, let's not dawdle.
Whose idea was it anyway,
To get the six drawer model?

Finally!  A new dresser!
To store clothes to wear.
We show it to the eight-month-old.
Yeah, he doesn't care.